I used to be love drunk, now i'm HUNGOVER!!!!

I can see clearly now the booze is gone!!!

So, I did what I have been threatening to do for the last three years, I told the Other Chic, and it was worse than anyone could possibly have imagined.

Once I outed The Rogue, it appears all of his sly scheming ways have been unfolded. Get this, he has been with her for six years, SIX years, three of which he has been seeing me. How did this happen, how did he possibly get away with this for so long?

She calls me up and asks me to prove my accusations, and the funny thing is I cant, I have spent three years with a man and have not a single image of him, and every time I got angry I deleted any messages he ever sent me, I had nothing that could back this up. And to make matters worse, the little circle that has Southampton in a little bubble, have backed up his story of me being a 'Stalker' and people have restraining orders against me. (although in my teenage years I did stalk one guy, more of an infatuation, blog to come) So I am frantically going through my facebook my phone and anything else I can possibly think of to try and prove myself as the innocent party in this sick fucked up threesome he has got going on. I found it, messages, proof of his dirty cheating ways, and the fact I have an entire family and friends circle that can bare witness to this. She has the messages, she has messages from him asking me 'why I love him'?? What a PRICK!!!

Did I mention, he spent Christmas eve with me and my family, and left mine Christams morning and went to hers? Hahaha, oh dear!!!

To make matters worse, he is actually saying that nothing has ever happened between us and never will, he has told her I was obsessed with him and that I would turn up at his flat and ask for a tour, (you seriously could not write this). You gotta hand it to him he has played an amazing game here, he has covered every track and has his little cronies lying for him.

Regardless if she believes me or not, I really don’t care, I am just extremely pleased that he is out of my life, and there is no going back. But what I found out in this process has been amazing. So I already knew he was sleeping with other people anyhow, but who they are is actually quite disgusting, now bear in mind he is 31 years old, he had 18 year old girls up his flat, now that is some next level shit. Not only that, he went to the other extreme too, and was fucking Southampton's very own BIKE a forty something mother of four, and a grandmother of two, not only that, they were all dipping their dick in her, (they all, being the three brothers that lived together, who ironically, I told her to ask, and they denied ever seeing me up the flat).

Another revelation was that they apparently lived together, now I know I did not imagine staying at his flat on a nightly basis, and not once was there any evidence of a girlfriend, nothing, not even a spare toothbrush, but, according to his cleaner (a friend of mine) there were pictures all over the flat of them two together, hence why she never thought to tell me about the other woman, she assumed I knew. No, The Rogue went to extreme efforts to hide her from me, I mean what an effort to go to, taking down pictures, hiding clothing, toiletries, everything. I wasn’t a stranger up his flat, I was always welcomed by his brothers, they made me dinner, I would casually jump in the bath, sit and do uni work in the lounge, I was like a bit of furniture that nobody thought strange, and to then find out that there was probably half a dozen of us doing the same thing makes my stomach turn. Before he lived with his brothers, he was in his 'own' flat, that I would stay in on my own and wait for him to come back, or just turn up unannounced, and there was never any suspicion of other women for me, I had free run of the place, in fact I had bags of stuff in his flat. His double life must be exhausting, I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

The sad thing about this whole story is that she believes him, what a mug, she thinks I have made the last three years of my life up, she believes I was some kind of obsessed child. Little does she know, that it wasn’t just the last three years, I met him five years ago, and according to her they were together then too, but it was a 'casual' thing, once or twice, and nothing else (mentioned in previous blogs). But regardless he did it 5 years ago and for the last 3 years!!!
He was with a girl I knew for 3 years, when I accidentally slept with him Five years ago (I did not know this until I bumped into them together after the accident), but I found out two days ago, that the reason she left him was because he was living with both her, and this girl he has been with for Six years, so if my calculations are correct, for the first three years he was with somebody, and for the last three he has been with me? You silly, silly girl. Good luck with that one!!

The poor soul is lumbered with his child, and probably a bag full of diseases, and I walk off, head high, and onto bigger and better things..........

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell

Hello Birdies,

I am going to refer back to The Rogue today, and hopefully put him into the past tense, and leave him there for good. I have just realised that it has now been three years worth of obsession, heartache and complete psychotic behaviour with this man. And I have also come to realise that although he IS Mr Big, unattainable and completely no good for me, I am in fact NOT Carrie, I am Natasha, yes that is right, I was never Mr Big's Carrie, apparently I am the one I the way of him and his true Carrie.

All this time I have had nothing but hatred for 'the other chic' (before I am corrected for spelling Chick, minus the K, there is reason behind this) However, I am in actual fact 'the other chic'. It has only taken me three years to work this out, three years of not only stalking him, but stalking her too, (to the point of adding her profile to my favourite's, just so I could keep tabs on her, and him). But, it is only down to this that I have come to realise this fact, and realise that their bond (and their child) cannot be broken. Even if my delusional thoughts allow me to think that he might have once loved me were true, he is never going to stop going back to her.

This fact pains me, more than seeing women with labels still on their shoes (big faux pas), but, as we all know, Natasha may marry Mr Big, but he is never truly hers. So I bid farewell to The Rogue, I would love to wish them both all the best, but I still want them both to die.

I was even contemplating sending her an email exposing him, and telling her all of our history, but what good is that going to do me? Besides, anybody who is a true SATC fan, knows that Carrie is the mug, she should never have got Carried away with Mr Big, and all of their mishaps were nothing but her own choices and decisions, even so much as through to the movies, do we want to slap her and say 'go and get Aidann back you fool'. So, I may be letting go of Mr Big, so that Carrie can have him, but I am also creating a new Carrie, the Carrie that we all wanted to see in the series, and detaching myself from all the pain and the foolishness and becoming the one that does end up happily ever after, WITHOUT Mr Big

'We're so over, we need a new word for over'

I need to detox my brain, and stop these crazy thoughts that one day it might happen, I know it wont, but I cant stop thinking 'what if'. Besides, I would never live up to her, Who the fuck can live up to Carrie Bradshaw? NOBODY! So I will just have to keep my jealous thoughts out of my mind, and pray to god that one day he is just a distant memory, and a bad mistake that I once made in my twenties.

So,' your girl is lovely, Hubbell' ( to all of you that know what this means, I know he wont)


End of an era, and on to the next one........

Confusion over the behaviour of men

So, after waking up this morning and posting my mortifying experience of the night before, it got me thinking about other 'situations', and I was talking to my girlfriends about similar things, well not so similar as to wetting the bed, but you know, of the sort.

I remembered an occasion with 'The Rogue', after an amazing evening of wine and sex, we hit the sack, in a full state of sleep I am woken to the sound of man poo, yes, a full on 'toilet situation' loud and disgusting. Now this wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn't decided to do this in the en suite bathroom, as opposed to the other two toilets available in his flat, but he decided to go drop the kids off in the en suite. Ladies, this is not the worse part, I had been in the toilet earlier only to discover that there was no loo roll, and after shouting this mid flow, he brings me a little pack of handbag sized tissues, with three remaining, one of which I used then, and another before we went to bed, which, if you are any good at maths, you can work out that there was one remaining tissue.
Which can only bring me to ask, WHAT THE FUCK DID HE WIPE HIS ASS WITH? the sounds that were coming from that toilet could not be cleaned up with one 12X12 tissue, probably not even a whole roll if he did have one.

I did what I do best at this stage and pretend to be asleep, whilst vomiting in my own mouth and cringing myself back to sleep, needless to say he did not get a goodbye kiss in the morning, as I bolted out of there like no tomorrow.

I guess my point here is, I really don’t understand when this sort of behaviour became acceptable? I mean its not acceptable to us obviously, but man to man this is clearly the correct etiquette for them.

p.s I had a response from pissy pants 'I was dreaming I was on the toilet but clearly I wasn’t.. it freaked me out,II thought you was gonna go mad and tell me to fuck off, it's been playing on my mind all morning. sorry' er erm, I don't know where this guy gets off, the only reason I didn’t tell him to fuck off was due to the fact I was humiliated for him. Does he seriously expect me to respond? Does he genuinely think he is going to see me again?

I CAN STILL SMELL THE PISS!!!!

xx

The Rogue part 2

The Rogue - Mr Big - Unattainable

Good morning birdies, and welcome back to part two of The Rogue. If you are just joining us, then you can go and google the definition of Rogue to get an idea on what we are talking about.

So, getting back to me and him.
After the first date, it was going wonderfully and we were getting on great, and I’m sure had I not made some bad relationship moves then we would never have turned into what we did. But, I did. After a couple of months of sex I decided I wanted more from this, and that I was going to get it. I started harassing the poor guy, I mean texting him all day everyday, with no replies. It was as if my mind took over and told me to do this even though I know I should have stopped at my 'good morning' text. I say he never replied, well he did, in his own time, when he was good and ready, which generally meant he wanted to get his end away.

Yes ladies, I would drop everything, including my friends, to go over for what I knew was just sex. I started thinking about how to leave some of my 'girlie' belongings in his flat, just in case he had any other ladies over, and I started stalking his facebook (damn facebook).

I’m cringing just writing about this, physically cringing.

Before I carry on, I think I will give you a little more information on The Rogue, he is a thirty year old LOSER, his job allows him to be inconsistent and he is out of the country for numerous months of the year (which evidently gives him every excuse under the sun). He is a beauty, in my eyes anyway, though most of my friends wouldn’t agree, but in the eyes of the beholder and all that. I also have to note, that although I am talking in past tense, I am still very much in lust with him , and still jump to his commands and hang on to his every word.

So, thanks to a little fatal attraction we have the making of a usualy confident, independent woman, going to ruins over one man, an unattainable man, a ROGUE!

Stayed tuned, Au Reviour!

The Rogue Part 1

Rogue, true definition a dishonest or unprincipled man, a bad egg, playfully mischievous, or a scoundral. Now The Rogue in my life is exactly that, and I will take you through my journey with this Rogue!

Part one:


Now, we've all seen and heard of MR BIG, well ladies, I have my very own MR BIG, accept we will refer to him as 'The Rogue' very appropriate if you ask me. I first met The Rogue five years ago at a night club in my home town, and we met, had one night together and that was all, until two years ago. I had just broken up with 'The One' and The Rogue appeared back in my life, not uncommon as we live in the same city, and I have seen him numerous times since the previous events, but he appeared none the less. First date, a lovely meal, which I remember very clearly, at one of my favourite restaurant, coincidence I hear you say? The first date was amazing and we hit it off on a different level from the first time. He ate salmon, this is how clearly I remember it. We sat for a few hours drinking and laughing and then went on to a local pub for a few more, I tell you know, I fell right there and then, and I knew this was gonna be my downfall. So after a wonderful evening he hailed me a cab and we went our seperate ways. This my dear friends, has been the most horrendous two years of my life, and as much as I love my time spent with him,

I regret ever getting involved, as it turns out I am not the person I thought I was. I turned into a needy, psycho stalker, and I did what all of us has at one time or another done. This was not love, this was lust and obsession over a rebound, but none the less I just couldn’t help myself.

Stay tuned to see it all unveil......

Au Revoir my little birdies