G.A.Y and The Village People

To my fellow chuffs out there this behaviour will not shock you, but to those of you less openly ''sexual'' this might offend you!

Me and my dear friend Jimmy Choo (clearly not the real Jimmy Choo) decided on a good old catch up, which inevitably turned into our usual piss up, where one of us is bound to start crying whilst the other is getting hit on or getting laid, this role changes depending on our location, and with the title G.A.Y it is clear that I did the crying this time and Jimmy, well Jimmy text me the next day to inform me of this, and I quote '' Well – I was casually wanking a guy off in the smoking area of G.A.Y whilst smoking a cigarette and talking dirty to him! I kissed a few boys, got a few numbers, have some chav calling me who wants me to come fuck him now, and I fell asleep on the night bus again'' this, I must admit happened two days after my incident, but just thought I would let you know what kinda person old Jimmy is.


However, our night was less of the sexual act and more of the sex toy shopping. After an all day drinking session, we decided to hit up Soho and the 'Private' shops they are ever so famous for, and I had my eye on this pretty and pink friend, but decided against the idea of purchasing it at this point., So we decided to head off to 'The Village' (it was actually called 'The Village') where Jimmy had his eye on a hotty, (who I thought was straight, quite jealous that he wasn't) anyway, Jimmy and his new friend are chatting away, with me being the gooseberry I am so good at being, and after a few to many GaGatinis, we were PISSED, and as a collective decided that i should go and buy that pink and pretty friend I saw only a few hours before, and within a few minutes me Jimmy and his new friend where trapcing a few different sex shops until we found the one we had previously been in.

New Dildo in hand, me and Jimmy managed to persuade the his friend to come along to G.A.Y to get seriously drunk.

I've missed a few things out here, whilst in 'The Village' I had managed to pick up two very strange guys, and I could not tell if they where gay or straight, they kept asking me to go to a party back at theirs, I was muchos confused by them, they looked gay, they were behaving sexually to each other, and to me, very strange, so I told them to piss off.

Oh and the other thing, the guy Jimmy has now managed to agree to come clubbing with us, was his first night in London, and was starting his new job the next day (totally a bad influence on this man, feel quite bad about it now)

Back to G.A.Y, we are at the entrance, and me and Jimmy, and his friend are about to go in, Jimmy's conquest is high and dry in G.A.Y and then all of sudden the two weirdos from earlier had managed to gang up on us, one minute me and Jimmy where heading into the club, and the next I’m being dragged off to some other bar, I turn around to see Jimmy going in with freak #1, and freak #2 has me in some gay bar over the road.

To my relief Jimmy comes over to find me completely mortified, and saves me, not from humiliation, but saves me from whatever these men wanted. Me and Jimmy are being reunited, only to turn around and find the two freaks have opened my pink and pretty friend and are starting her up in the middle of the bar, full on having a good old play with my vibrator, I swear one of them pretended to suck it off (this could well have been Jimmy, I'm not too sure at this point because my mouth is wide open with mortification of my dildo being swung around a bar) So I take my friend and Jimmy and run off to save face, or so I thought.....

I run to G.A.Y – this place is cursed, we had been out since midday drinking and it is still only 9 in the evening, so the club is pretty dry, Jimmy heads off to the toilet and me to the bar, naturally. Drinks ordered, into my bag I go, except my bag is dropped open and out rolls this big pink dildo and is still rolling until it is met by the eyes of every person in the club. I had just brought this bad boy, so there was no way I wasn’t going to get it, but I was stood at the bar alone, looking at my dildo, looking at the crowd thinking do I or don’t I??? I did, I actually went to the middle of the club to retrieve my dildo.

Most of you are probably thinking this dildo is cursed, well, I finally got home after a lot of fur and a lot of meatballs (not man balls, gay club and all) thinking, well after the humiliation I had been through in order to keep the damn thing, I better give it a go.

I don’t know what did it, the 2 freaks swinging it around, Jimmy pretended to orally please it, or dropping it that did it, but the damn thing is BROKEN!

Moral of the story don't buy dildo's drunk.

You've been a BAD girl!!!!!

Into the year 2012, and there is no change in the life of Mrs X, although technically speaking this was an incident from 2011.

As you are all aware, my dating habits are somewhat memorable, and this next one is no exception. I was seeing the 'Frenchy' for a few months before realising this must come to an end (not to mention the fact he read my blog and realised he wasn’t the only person I was seeing) In which case it came to an abrupt end with the text that was received in a previous post, you know the one where he said 'I am not your lab rat' blah blah blah. Anyhow, I never got round to writing about my first encounter with Frenchy so I shall update you now, he was in the building with a fellow house mate, when we were all partying and I was waiting on 'The Rogue' who, did not show, and had he shown up this may well have been a different story.

So, here I am with this sexy French guy, who came a-knocking in the late hours of the night, to see if I fancied a night cap, being the rampant that I am I obliged, a few hours later completely rat arsed, both knowing where this is heading, well at least I thought I did, until, I got a good old SPANKING!!!! ha ha ha, not a little smack on the bottom, we are talking full on hand slaps on my arse, I must also tell you that this was not during sex, not even during foreplay, this was his foreplay. Now, as mortified as I was I went along with it thinking 'we will get onto the good stuff in a bit'. The good stuff never came, the spanking came hard and fast, and then the dreaded dirty talk, arghhhhhh, never did I think I would hear the words ' did you do your homework?' whilst getting jiggy. But sure as hell he bloody well said them, along with some other clichés such as, 'you've been a bad girl' and 'Sir is going to punish you now' SWEET JESUS, how the fuck am I gonna get out of this one.

Now, I am not one to complain for a good ass slap, but this was some next level shit, and the fact I was NOT responding to these questions, nor was I encouraging the spank, just egged him on, hand prints on my bottom like no tomorrow.

I made a decision later, that I would give him another chance, and see if maybe it was the drink bringing out his inhibitions, did I mention he is a teacher? Probably quite important to this little fetish he had going on, anyway so the next time he came round, he was in his work attire, suit tie and briefcase, I think you can all guess where this is going, yep, he suggesting leaving his tie on and requested I address him as his classroom name, Mr Frenchy (obviously not Frenchy). This time I could not endure this role play thing he had going on, I just said NO, point blank NO, take the fucking tie off and I will not call you that you silly fool!!!!

Harsh, I think not, at least know your limits before you force actual pain on somebody!!!!